Luna Hill and the Rise of the Dog Police

As the temperature has exceeded 30°c in most parts of the country, it’s been far too hot to walk Luna at our usual mid-morning time. Besides, she’s spent much of the past week being poorly.

On Monday, I took her to the vet’s ‘out of hours’ emergency surgery, and on Tuesday, she was admitted to the hospital for blood tests, scans, and x-rays. By Wednesday, she was still too sick to come home and underwent more tests. On Thursday, she was released, but staggered out to see me looking half dead. Friday and Saturday were recovery days, spent trying to administer her four lots of medication and also trying to persuade her from not launching herself at pigeons in the garden. I’d hoped that, by Sunday, we’d be chilling like Craig David.

At the time of writing (on Sunday afternoon), Luna has finally settled and appears to be catching up on sleep. However, it was a rough night of panting and looking like she was about to throw up at any moment. Thankfully, after giving up on sleep and taking a walk at 5am, she now seems far more chilled (and even had a bite to eat).

I'm not entirely sure what caused all this. The vet went from "We think she's swallowed a foreign body," to "There's a bug going around," so who knows?

Anyway, I know the subject of walking dogs in the heat is a bit of a hot potato right now. So, as someone who is currently writing books about dogs, I just wanted to add my two penneth.

Don't get me started on people who tie poo bags to trees right now.

I think I speak for most people when I say that walking your dog during the hottest part of the day is simply not the done thing. In fact, it’s irresponsible and dangerous. Let’s make no bones about it. That’s not me being judgemental, that’s me stating a fact.

However, I know some people who would happily take their dogs out on a long walk in the afternoon sun, despite the risk of heatstroke and possibly even death.

So I have to wonder why people walk their dog(s) in such extreme heat. I mean, they must be aware of the dangers. Is it pride or stubbornness that leads them to disregard what society says we should or shouldn’t do? Or is it simply just a lack of understanding of how dogs regulate their temperature, and people think if they’re fine in the heat, the dog will be fine too?

Although I do suspect that these people are in the minority, and most would agree that walking a dog very early or very late in the day is the best way to beat the heat and give your dog some exercise (and an opportunity to poop).

I don’t know any dog that enjoys shitting in their own backyard. I’m blessed with a garden, but Luna will pace and pant for an uncomfortable length of time before releasing her bowels on her own patch. So there may have been a time in the past when I took her out for literally five minutes so she could do her business. We used to have a communal lawn, literally right next to our front gate, so it was convenient.

Yet every summer, the self-appointed dog police come out in force and start judging people for walking their dogs at certain times of the day.

Sometimes their hearts are in the right place, but there's also a lot of self-righteous potty-mouthed pricks out there who just enjoy confrontation. They will literally leap out of bushes to tell you that you shouldn't be out walking your dog for the ten seconds they've seen you walking your dog.

I'm sure these creatures were spawned during the pandemic, when someone out walking would complain about the number of people they had just seen out walking. It boggles the mind.

Yes, it’s easy to judge others, but we rarely ever see the full picture. That poor dog being dragged into a car across the road might not be going for a walk. He/she might be going for an urgent vet appointment with an unrelated matter. The owner might even be walking the pooch to the vet’s just up the road.

So before you start shouting and swearing at some poor random dog walker in the street, please be aware that the dog might live in a flat two minutes away, and this is their only opportunity to take a poop. After all, we all work different, busy schedules and could have a myriad of things going on that day.

None of which is your business.

When I received the phone call that my mum was dying, I rushed home from work, took Luna for a five-minute walk, then took her on a two-hour drive to my parents' house, before dashing to the care home. I missed Mum by about fifteen minutes, but had I gone to the care home straight from work, then Luna would have been at home for God knows how long. At the time I didn't know if Mum would be gone in hours or days.

It was a cold February day, but had I been out on this emergency walk during a heatwave and some dozy chav had come up to me and said, "You shouldn't be walking your dog in this heat you f***ing ****!" they'd be dead by now.

Okay, I may not have killed them, but there would have been words I've never used in public before.

Another thing to remember is that it's not simply a case of ‘one temperature kills all,’ as what can be uncomfortable or deadly for one dog isn’t necessarily going to be for another dog. For example, we need to look at the dog’s age, breed, size, weight, coat length, underlying health conditions, etc.

And if you’re walking in the countryside for half an hour and 99% of the walk is on grass, then the whole ‘If the pavement is too hot for your hands, it’s too hot for their paws,’ thing doesn’t carry much weight. Equally, if you're walking through a forest with running streams, that dog is much safer than they would be if you're walking in a residential area.

Please just be prepared if your car breaks down on that five-minute drive to the woods. Keep an abundance of cold water, cooling mats, etc. I know I can overthink at times, but Luna and I did once spend eight hours trying to make a two-hour car journey. Again, in February, thankfully.

My point is that people should be allowed to take their dogs out at a time that’s best for them, without being judged by self-righteous virtue signallers. I mean, let’s be real, a dog isn’t going to die if their owner takes them on a five-minute walk to the park and back when it's 24°c . Yet some complete nincompoop is shouting in their face after clocking them walking for thirty seconds. By all means, have a polite word if you really feel the dog is suffering, but otherwise take up a hobby or something.

My beef is mostly with the people who drag their dogs around the shops on a scorching hot day. To me, that makes absolutely no sense.

Yes, I know all human brains are wired differently, but I think people who walk their dogs in the heat for hours (or leave them in the car while they go shopping) appear to exhibit some worrying psychopathic traits, such as callousness and a severe lack of empathy.

Others may label them as being a bit dim.

However, name-calling and harsh judgement won’t eradicate the issue. So I say we have to try to educate people, as though they don’t know anything. Let’s face it, if a bottle of bleach has to come with a warning label about keeping it out of reach of children, then we must assume that there are some people who aren’t aware that bleach could be fatal for a child.

I know basic animal care is taught in schools, but, in my opinion, it should be a core compulsory subject in the national curriculum.

Maybe we need to return to the public information-style films of the 70s. Instead of worrying about people being ‘triggered’ by everything, we should focus on the hard-hitting messages. Those old films may be difficult to watch, but I’ve no doubt that they saved lives. They scared me enough to not meddle with fireworks, to keep away from grain pits, and to never break into an electrical substation to retrieve a frisbee.

Had they come with trigger warnings, my parents might not have let me watch, and I could have ended up larking about in an electrical substation and being fried with 66,000 volts, like poor Jimmy.

The ad campaign for ‘Dogs die in hot cars’ works because it’s both direct and impactful. Although ‘Dogs die in slightly warm cars on a mild day’ is also true. So too is ‘If it’s too hot for your hand, it’s too hot for their paws!’, but people may assume their dog will be fine if they’re mostly walking on grass. And the heat could potentiality still get to them.

Unfortunately, I don't see a quick fix for preventing people from walking their dog on a hot day at 1pm because they can't ever break their precious "routine". However, as a society, I think we need to try and educate rather than judge. And when has shouting and swearing at someone ever actually worked, anyway?

I'm not saying we should all turn a blind eye when we see a dog in distress. I'd be the first to say something (and have, occasionally). I just think we should all have a think for ten seconds before opening our mouths.

That said, if I ever see someone watch their dog take a dump and make no effort to pick it up, I will ALWAYS ask them if they need a poo bag.